SPEAKING ONE’S MIND… HALF ASLEEP!
It’s 05:14 AM and I am still awake. This has been my routine for the past 3 weeks as I find it hard to sleep because I simply wanted to do so much things aside from my regular job. The pressure of being able to find a greener or perhaps the greenest pasture for my family has been so great that I cannot afford to sleep anymore. Time is so scarce for me to even afford a decent sleep.
Maybe I am just too paranoid about the future. It is funny that sometimes I think that where I am and what I have to this day is less than what I could have achieved. I see people with expensive mobile phones, signature clothes and fancy cars even if I think I am earning a little more than them. Often, I get to think whether I have trouble saving enough to fund a little luxury in life or if I am just outdated.
I bet you guys must have felt the same way at some point in time. I have so many friends in the call center industry who can afford to loan a car or even a condominium unit from the bank and still have a drinking spree almost every weekend! Note that they are even up to date with the latest gadgets – iPod, iPhone, iPad, Android Phones and all the new stuffs that most of us just tend to fancy as we window-shop.
So here I am now blogging. I do not feel like being less fortunate though. I am thankful that God gave me a good job to even be able to travel the world for free. Well, it is not free actually as it is basically the nature of my work. Nonetheless, I am satisfied with my job but I am not satisfied with how I try to make my dreams come true. I lack a little pushing towards reality. I think too much. I hesitate.
When I was younger, I always get what I dream for. I buy the latest phones and computers. I work hard to go into places and enjoy the holidays. I buy a few clothes but not the expensive ones though. I do the same these days but perhaps my criteria for happiness and satisfaction branches out to the happiness and satisfaction of my wife and son. I have to make them happy and satisfied so I could feel the same.
I may sound a little redundant and pointless. Nonetheless, I have to speak my mind and my thoughts are going in circle right now. I want to relocate to another country. I want to get a new house and a new car. I want to have a long-term job and a retirement plan. I want to have enough savings for my son’s future and I want to have a good health so I could ensure that all these are delivered.
I want so much. Maybe that is the problem. I long for so much things in life. But then again, dreaming is free and why would I limit my dreams when it’s free! I just wish that I could relax a bit and put all my efforts into a good master plan towards the attainment of my goals. At the end of the day, all I need now is to put myself to sleep for the entire day and recover from all the stress of life. All will be well!