WRITING TO MY “DEAR DIARY” AFTER 19 LONG YEARS…


Baby RyanDear Diary;

It’s been 19 years since we last heard from each other. I was 10 years old then and it all started with a school project that I get to write to “Dear Diary” everyday to journal my school year. It was exiting at first. I remember having an “Astroboy” notebook as my diary and I used to bring you everywhere I go.

No one knew then in the family that I do write to you. As my teacher would often say… “Keep your diary secret!”, thus I kept you as secret as possible. Besides, you were the only one who knew all my secrets then, remember? I would be mad at you if you would let others read your pages without my permission!

I am 29 years old now. Since I started writing to you, I learned to love writing. I remember those times where I was so mad at the sky and the stars because I was so deprived then unlike now. I used to tell you all my frustrations in life -from myself, my friends, my teachers and even my frustrations with my parents then.

You were my best buddy! I could have named you then but so far, “Dear Diary” remains the best name I can remember for you. I am sure that you know me so well more than I know myself. You were always there when I am down and when I am happy. When I ran out of paper, I would even use the wall inside my closet at one point to write to you. 

I remember writing the very famous tag line that Kurt Cobain even used as a song title I guess. It was a statement so famous then that somehow most people frustrated would either write it in their journals. Well, who would have not thought of saying – “I hate myself, I want to die” with all the pressures and expectations plus the troubles of adolescence way back then?

Hmp. 10 years and 15 years after that, my parents caught my two sisters in separate instances having to write in their closet walls that very same tag line with some drawings. Hehehe.  Well, I got mad and they ended up listening to a long homily from their eldest brother on not taking the path I have taken. They listened.

Going back on us, you knew all my crushes then, right? From Maria Elisa, Paulina,  Micielle, Jayvee, Joan to Maricris and Farah in my Grade School days until I entered high school having to admire Anna Marie, Joan, Mary Jane, Cham-Cham and Najela, you knew all their names and you witnessed how I went crazy with this thing they called “Puppy Love”. Hahaha. But I cannot tell you more names now because I may get in trouble with my wife. Hehehe. Just kidding.

Well, I have not told you yet about my beautiful wife. Well, I am married now with her and I have my one and only son. We met almost a decade ago in UP Diliman and the love story started there. I will tell you more about my life now in the days to come. Much has changed but still, I am the same Ericson that you knew although most people call me Ryan now. Hehehe.

Somehow I am happy that for once I was able to write once again to you but this time not about myself by about our friendship. I have thought of doing this a long time ago but it is only after 19 years that I was able to do it. Time is so scarce these days unlike before. Technology has somehow made you a little distant to most people.

Friendster and Facebook took your spot. Blogging somehow got all the attention. Yet I know that no one can ever replace you. People in my era know you still so well. I am quite older now but still at my prime, I have experienced a lot and if I were to write them all now, I will use an entire forest for a paper. Hehehe.

Today is a good start. From now on, I will try to find time to use this blog to write to you. Although secrecy is not anymore in our list of SOP since blogging is about transparency and expression, I will practice a little moderation so you can get acquainted on how I write now.

So far, I just want to check on you so I need not to write some usual issues or troubles. We missed 19 long years and I am sure that you are excited as well on this letter that I have for you. I do hope that in the days to come, we can talk more and I can tell you more about the 19 years that we did not touch base. So, I have to go now! Cheers!

Your friend,

Ryan